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Hmmm...

Cat Lap

 The moral to this story cats are evil. But you can't say no to their adorable faces.

Creativity Block

I think every person that works in any creative field will know exactly what I'm talking about. The dreaded block that suddenly and violently stops you from producing anything.

I say "work" but I don't have a job. Drawing, writing stories, origami, crafts and video making are the closest things I have to a job so when I'm not doing ANY of them my life is essentially devoid of all meaning.

In the normal times I'm constantly flooded with inspiration; I'll have a million and one ideas being screamed at me at once in all kinds of languages and codes that I don’t really understand.

It’s actually quite stressful but I wouldn't have it any other way. Because them sometimes I make something that I don't hate.

No matter where I am - I'm building new worlds in my mind.

Then the block comes along and changes everything. It's like being imagination deaf, I'm empty.

Sometimes the ideas don't go away all together but I lose my ability to translate them.

And in that case I must burn everything.

Now I'm constantly bored and spend all day refreshing facebook and youtube waiting for something to happen. My art folder becomes littered with half hearted attempts of pictures I lost the motivation to finish. Like these:

and these:

and so on....

This has happened many times before including the last few months. Each time I think "this it- it’s never coming back. Maybe this is just growing up" and I see my future in a boring normal person office job of normalness. 

The most important thing to remember is that it is a BLOCK and just sitting around won't make it go away on its own. I felt like couldn't get past it instead I just had to plough through. And as difficult as it is that's the only way to get your creativity back. 

Even if you have to draw ten thousand stupid looking alpacas to get a good one.

Perhaps I have not quite gotten back to "normal"(AKA weird) but I forced myself to make this substandard blog post. So that counts for something.

Being healthy isn't Easy

Today I decided I was going to be healthy and make a wonderful fruit salad. And a milo.

Then I ate a bunch of homemade nutella cookies.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a month but you know life isn’t interesting when the only thing I have to talk about it lunch.

My Fear of People

Some people are afraid of spiders or heights. I am afraid of both. But the main fear that dictates my life is a fear of people.

Also known as social anxiety.

I’m aware this isn’t the same as other fears. When I see a person I don’t get the urge to scream and smack them with a shoe but I am scared of rejection and causing awkward silences. Pretty reasonable things; except my reaction is blown way out of proportion. I think I subconsciously expect this to happen:

I have a vague understanding of how social situations are supposed to work yet as soon as I enter one I forget everything. It’s like the stress of making small talk creates a miniature black hole in my brain that sucks up all that relevant information. Which is why when people first meet me they may think I am an idiot or a terrorist.

The bigger the crowd, the bigger the black hole resulting in the less sense I make.

Even if I manage to relax enough to be part of a conversation it often becomes the other person’s monologue and I nod along like a bobble headed toy. Group discussions are even worse but that’s mainly because of my detailed thought process that goes into talking.

If someone points out that I’m not talking much I’ll try to make more of an effort to join in and sometimes I’m so desperate to say anything my thought process with become more like.

Despite all this kerfuffle I don’t hate socialising. Kind of like I’m trying to get to a delicious bowl of cereal but in order to get there I must swim through a tank of sharks. Although it’s as if the reward is also the thing I am most afraid of. So I guess it is more like I’m trying to get to a bowl of cereal that is made of sharks.

Okay shut-up I suck at analogies.

The only consolation I have is that when I know people better this is less likely to happen. It’s a very inefficient way to make friends, but hey, at least it works occasionally!

And when it does I will stick to those friends loyally like a barnacle whether they like it or not.

So if you are a friend of a friend or a stranger who happens to cross my path, I apologize in advance for my ramblings and feeble attempts at jokes. Just give me ten more chances over the space of several months and maybe you’ll get to know me better.

Deep, deep, deep down I’m okay (probably)

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I’m never really sure how to answer this question. I hope to be like this:

But I expect this:

And probably end up like this:

I’ll come back in 2017 and let you know how it turns out.

Illegal Drug Gathering

Today was a good day.

I went to a Nerdfighter Gathering. I’m not going to tell you what nerdfighters are, or why they gather. A better explanation

My friend stopped at my house on the way there and I said to her loudly “Let’s go do some illegal stuff!” because I am hilarious. My mum laughed and then we jet packed out of there (and by jetpack I mean we caught the bus)

Instead of graffiti and knife crimes we really were doing chalk drawings on the footpath, singing songs, eating tim tams and group hugging.

I returned home way past my bedtime (6PM) but it was okay because I hadn’t really done any illegal stuff! Then I realized my clothes were covered in mysterious white powder and dog was sniffing like crazy.

IT WAS THE CHALK! DON’T DO DRUGS KIDS!

More posts with actual substance soon.

Internet Rage

This happens to me on a far too often.